I gripped my phone with trepidation. Fear overwhelmed me. The vibration revealed everything. The truth seized me like a scary monster, its hands are dirty, it is so huge I seemed so small and hopeless. There is nothing I can do(lest everyone else). My life is like a drama, with never-ending torture. Beneath the facade lies the untruthful and ugly side of humanity. I live in constant fear, anxiety, worry. I am afraid of the uncertainties.


No one will understand, no one should understand.
I trust nobody. I trust no one. I dont even trust myself.



I am scared, so scared.
I am very very scared.

I want to cry.

When people tell you that music is good for you, trust them, they're not lying. Now I am infatuated with a few songs! Thinking about them and singing out feel so great. Everyday I talk to Evonne about the song lyrics in school and it really makes me happier. :D

I hate the freaking flame-grilling-burning-hot-and-making-me-feel-like-dying weather. Any time in the afternoon if you step out of house(or even in the house), you'll feel like you're in the Sahara Desert or the pizza furnace. Its becoming a "woe of the day" thing for me. Just yesterday alone i drank more than 2 bottles of iced drinks and ice-cream. Today i had ice-kacang, teh-bing and a huge volume of RIBENA. Gosh, is this global warming?!!

edited...

HAHA. I feel lucky now. I finally found my social issues package after a hard decision of recognising its 'mysterious disappearance'. Apparently I found it together with the 'sci and tech' package(eons ago thing), hidden among the pile of old magazines and outdated issues of broader perspectives. LOL. This goes to show why it isnt a good idea to hand out the packages early, and why I shouldnt try to keep my stuff. My analogy goes like this: the messier the table/shelve(in other words the more disorganised you are/ or I am), the easier you find your/or rather me things. OKAY. BUT... in a serious attempt to start reading the package, I flipped through to find the seemingly easiest(big words, short article) article to start with, I was horrid to find all the passages lengthy and tiny! Definitely bad for my eyes! Hmm, I wonder how Evonne manage to spend lunch breaks reading them with ease and pleasure, as seen from her smile, or so I seem. HEEHEE. :D

Hmm, okay, I have decided to start on this first: Loneliness is a Pain. Thank goodness I am not alone in the room. HAHA, or I the article might agonize me. Alright, end the crap. =x

Some pictures taken on good friday!






cool, purple lights =)



i finished all that chilli! HAHA

Happy 18th XUANYI! :D Stay pretty forever!

There is nothing more than a series of happy events for the last five days. First ever thing to rejoice over was PW results. Time flies(thankfully) and tada, project work days were over and results were out and i got an A! My first A for the Alvls! Well, generally our cohort did very well, but i still doubt the marking system because some other schools did badly and some obviously didnt get the grades that they deserve.

Ohwells, followed up was a public holiday, on a friday(!), which was worth celebrating. HAHA. So I went to orchard with my sis to chill. Havent been there for a looooong loooong time, and i seriously dislike the ion thing. We had to weave our way through the long passage to get to wisma and it didnt feel good especially when it was raining, and the ground was flooded, and we had to be mindful of our shoes, and there were soo many people it was hard to navigate. Luckily the shops provided something more delightful. Shopped for Xuanyi's present and walked around. We joined in the crazy cotton on sale too. Haha.

Then Saturday was my long-waited day. BALLET EXAM. Initially i felt alright(and calm) in the dance studio. But as time passed, my heart beat faster and it seemed to beat faster than running for 2.4km. The examiner kept smiling, and I smiled at her too. But probably that was why I was 'trembling'.. maybe she seemed too friendly? LOL
Sunday FangHui and I went to mediacorp to watch Campus Superstar and to support JiaMin. Got high, blew the whistle, played with the crackers, held banners and had lots of fun shouting.

Yesterday night I attended Xuanyi's birthday party at Safra. I felt so crushed on my way there. Had only slept less than 4hrs the night before. Well, it was quite fun, I got my hands on the BBQ stuff, which I havent in a long time, but felt awkward because I dont know most of her friends over there, so the relatives(we) that she invited just stick around each other.
So today I finally attended swim PE. It was great, I swear. Though given a choice i may not want swim PE again, but if I never had a choice I would certainly love the lessons. It was relaxed and fun, no stress. hee. Ooops, but the worse thing that could happen today was leaving my file(extremely important) in the toilet. Damn dumb leh, me. Now im so clueless about homework and datelines.

Omg, this post is damn long. I regret not writing a few days back. haha.

Today I had the greatest mood swing of the year. Guess what, I hit the jackpot. No swim PE for me tomorrow, and that means climbing up the stairs and down for 20rounds?! Hopefully Chia would not be too mean as to put me in some stupid make-up lessons! Fingers-crossed...

H3 was a short lecture and tutorial session which lasted for only 30mins today. Quite cool. Electrophoresis is theory-based. I hope the rest of the syllabus i managable and that i wont continue to be the "persistent lousy student" who insists to be taking the subject despite the grades. grrr. My life is a mess.

Chemistry SPA Skill A assessment tomorrow. Exams are my greatest fear now. OK, i need a clear mind, a good memory and probably sweets to keep my awake after the lunch break!

I should blog more often to improve my command of language(English) and get into the habit of transferring thoughts into words, which can help me greatly in writing. Moreover, it's a breather in between those stressful moments like, studying for your chem SPA (alvls)...

Sorry for changing the blogskins often. I am still trying out with different ones to find the 'feel'. Haha. I didnt like the last one because of the font you see. :D

I am terribly worried about my GP. I have not passed any other written assignment except for the sci vs religion essay which i put in lots of effort into research. If this continues, and if i fail GP, I'll fail Avlvs and I am going to die! :( :( :( Someone teach me how i can improve?! In terms of command of language, mine is not too bad, but my comprehension is seriously lousy. Hmm, going to work very very ultimately hard to show everyone that I can do it!

Well, it is 1.40am. I am sleeping later and later. BAd habit.
Bye for now then :D

I am sooooooooooooooo happy! I am going to be aunt again! I dont know why i feel so happy about it. HAHAHAHA. But, seriously, it's meant to be a happy event right! Congratulations to my cousin! I hope it is twins! :D :D And i hope that you can cope with the morning sickness and the fatigue you are facing!

Now in london there is a G20 summit protest going on and its taking place along the line of streets where my cousin resides. It sounds so intimidating! I heard that the people are targeting bankers and it is unsafe to walk about in the streets. The company which my cousin works at is also mocked. It's Financial Times, a business paper company.
Their real website is www.ft.com
But check this out! http://www.ft2020.com/
Apparently the 'mockers' have created a similar website to show unhappiness at FT. But you should really see the difference! The fake website was impressive. It even changed the logo to "financial crimes". There are even really articles which are intentionally written in sarcastic and mocking tones. LOL. You can really see the effort these people put into making the webpage. I find the fake site more interesting and less intimidating than the real one. Dont you think so?

The term exams have been a killer. Not many people passed the 2 H2 subjects that we have already taken back. My results are shitty too, but for some subjects i guess it was still ok. At least i passed econs, and that shows that i should hold on to hope. However i was totally disappointed with chemistry! I cant bear to look at the test paper because i may cry! Yea, i know I have passed. But considering my expectations in chem and the effort i put in, I should have hit my target. I lost a stupid 7 marks question because I was unclear of exams' requirements for chemical tests. Apparently i had thought of other methods but proceed with the one i wrote because i was already midway through the question already. And I genuinely got the answer for the last question, the deduction of organic compounds but lost marks in between. Seriously, there were only 2 compounds but more than 4 clues to find!
BIG SIGHHHHHHH

On a last note, I admit that I am not supposed to be blogging right now because I need to hand in 30 news articles for resource file but i have only done 7. This is dampening my spirits, cos it means i cant sleep now! :( But hey, my articles were printouts and many were at least 3 pages long, so please pity me! >.< Actually, that is also the reason for my random urge to blog. Like, i need a medium to channel my fustrations and disappointment and excitement, and whatever feelings inside me now.
Cool, now I feel better.

OK, back to work. Wish me luck. :D